i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
God I need to hump something, right now.
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