my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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