Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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