Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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