No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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