I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
