if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
