i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
