You're completely useless in the revolution.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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