What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
