Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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