This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize