cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
