This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
