I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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