real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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