First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
