my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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