Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize