My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
