Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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