I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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