mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
