she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
