remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Your dad touched me again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
