those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
