i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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