Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.

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  (408): Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job. http://tfl.nu/w1hi
  Replies (16) Good night (3936) Bad night (421)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4764) Bad night (601)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

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  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (5141) Bad night (1428)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her

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  (318): I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her http://tfl.nu/587c
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (4309)
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  (510): View more from California

  just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?

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  (510): just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right? http://tfl.nu/dlby
  Replies (57) Good night (4116) Bad night (854)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

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  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (49) Good night (6035) Bad night (4607)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

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  (312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp
  Replies (7) Good night (3886) Bad night (1205)
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  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9917) Bad night (1220)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me

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  (330): I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me http://tfl.nu/zsgz
  Replies (2) Good night (1059) Bad night (1781)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.

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  (519): Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed. http://tfl.nu/q7k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1379) Bad night (1718)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision

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  (712): Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision http://tfl.nu/by7d
  Replies (9) Good night (1540) Bad night (629)
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  (805): View more from California

  You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!

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  (805): You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius! http://tfl.nu/013j
  Replies (6) Good night (763) Bad night (1425)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler

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  (517): Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler http://tfl.nu/xejb
  Replies (4) Good night (990) Bad night (310)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).

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  (719): She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree). http://tfl.nu/fkun
  Replies (7) Good night (921) Bad night (413)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?

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  (501): Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site? http://tfl.nu/wzkj
  Replies (47) Good night (917) Bad night (350)

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