i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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