Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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