did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.