I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.