did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.