Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.