A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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