I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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