if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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