Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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