I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
