You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You ruined the universe
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize