M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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