not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You ruined the universe
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
