It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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