You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
