you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I look better un-naked...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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