Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
