Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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