Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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