I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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