id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
