I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
