Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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