I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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