I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
