I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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