i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
