I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
