is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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