Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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