Do you still have your period?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
