We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
