Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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