the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
