Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
