I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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