I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dick has a subreddit
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
