brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
