dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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