You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
