The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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