I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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