so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
