If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
