she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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